The Scripture provides guidance on the best ways to respond to criticism.Source: Aaron Burden via Unsplash
Words Can Hurt
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.”
Have you ever said that? I certainly have. I was taught that little adage as a child, and I can dimly remember the kids in my neighborhood, myself included, chanting it to one another.
But my naïve confidence that negative words about me wouldn’t hurt didn’t last long. Over the years I have had it impressed on me, definitely, forcefully, and conclusively, that words can hurt me—because they’ve done it so many times.
We call those words that hurt, criticism. The dictionary defines it as finding fault with someone, judging them disapprovingly. And nobody escapes it.
How a Small Church Can Be More Effective in Ministry While Lightening the Load on Its Workers
As the pastor of a small church with limited financial and volunteer worker resources, finding ways to leverage the resources we have (or, in plain English, get “more bang for the buck”) is very important.
In our church, all of our most committed volunteers have multiple ministry assignments as well as busy schedules at home and at work. For that reason, one of our most pressing considerations is preventing them from having to come to the church building multiple times during the week. Any work that can be done at home and on the worker’s own schedule is a great advantage.
That’s why I was excited to find that we could create a cloud-based network that workers could access from their own homes or even mobile devices and work together on administrative or creative tasks for the church. That’s how we use Dropbox. It’s been very effective for us. And, best of all, it’s free!
It’s happened to all of us. Someone has deeply hurt, wounded, offended, or frustrated us, and we become very, very angry about it.
That anger gets us in its grip and won’t let go. It seems to take over our minds, and we just can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like we are carrying around a 100-pound weight strapped to our backs, and we can’t get rid of it.
Anger Weighs Our Bodies Down and Negatively Affects Our Health
One of the most fundamental teachings of the Bible, prominent in both the Old and New Testaments, is that we cannot afford to continue carrying that weight of anger around in our lives.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; do not fret-it only causes harm. Psalms 37:8 (NKJV)
Do you really appreciate your pastor? Do you value all the hard work, dedication, prayer, and personal sacrifice that comes with being the go-to leader of a congregation filled with diverse, far from perfect, often needy, and sometimes ornery human beings? I can tell you from experience that it’s not an easy job!
But then, it’s not really a job at all; it’s a calling. God has promised to provide those He calls to that work everything they need to accomplish the task. And part of that provision is you.
I’m the kind of person who tries hard to be fair in the way I treat other people. But other people don’t always give me credit for that. In fact, there have been many times when I thought I was bending over backward to be fair, but the other person seemed to think I wasn’t being fair at all!
That used to frustrate me no end until I began to realize how easy it is for me to unintentionally treat others unfairly because of my own hidden selfishness.
One thing that helped me understand how deeply ingrained my selfishness is was when I took an honest look at the way I was driving.
One of the major issues that cause severe dysfunction in people’s lives is having an ego that’s out of its proper place.
All of us have an ego—that sense of self that says I am a unique and valuable person, fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God, and I’ve got something worthwhile to contribute to this world. But when that self-appreciation of who God made us to be turns into self-importance, when it becomes a self-centered attitude that says, “It’s really all about me,” then our own out-of-balance egos will rob us of much of the joy and peace that God intends for us to have in life.
In other words, if I am a person who is all wrapped up in myself, I’m going to have a miserably dysfunctional life!
My alma mater, the University of Tennessee, recently got itself into hot water about Christmas. The school’s Office of Cultural Diversity issued a set of guidelines, entitled “Best Practices for Inclusive Holiday Celebrations in the Workplace,” that sought to inform the campus community of behavior that would be inappropriate during the holiday season. Their admonitions included the following:
Holiday parties and celebrations should celebrate and build upon workplace relationships and team morale with no emphasis on religion or culture. Ensure your holiday party is not a Christmas party in disguise [emphasis added].
Supervisors and managers should not endorse, or be perceived as endorsing, religion generally or a specific religion.
Holiday parties and celebrations should not play games with religious and cultural themes–for example, “Dreidel” or “Secret Santa.” If you want to exchange gifts, then refer to it in a general way, such as a practical joke gift exchange or secret gift exchange.
. . . no emphasis on religion or culture. Ensure your holiday party is not a Christmas party in disguise.
— University of Tennessee Office of Cultural Diversity
Faced with an immense backlash from citizens and politicians, the university eventually removed these recommendations from its website. But the fact that they were published in the first place raises an important question.
Is There a War Being Waged Against Christmas?
For years now many Christians have been concerned about what they perceive as a war against Christmas. That “war” consists of widespread efforts by secularists to turn the traditional Christmas season into “the holidays,” thus stripping the season of any associations that might be considered “religious.” Franklin Graham, son of famed evangelist Billy Graham, declares that:
“Stores, schools and communities across America continue to find new and intolerant reasons to remove any religious references to Christmas, stripping it of any holy or historical significance. Christian songs, prayers and other spiritually vital connections to the Lord Jesus Christ are deleted or diminished.”
That would certainly seem to be what the University of Tennessee was doing in its attempt to ensure that campus holiday celebrations would be totally devoid of any religious associations.
A Christmas Tree or a Holiday Tree?
Another example of a perceived attempt to turn Christmas into a strictly secular holiday was the tree-lighting ceremony at the Rhode Island Statehouse in 2012. Governor Lincoln Chafee caused a nationwide uproar when he officially designated the 17-foot spruce a “holiday tree” rather than a Christmas tree. After receiving 3,500 calls of protest from across the country, and only 92 of support, the governor expressed astonishment that anyone could be offended by his choice of words:
“If it’s in my house it’s a Christmas tree,” Chafee said, “but when I’m representing all of Rhode Island I have to be respectful of everyone.”
It apparently did not occur to the governor that people to whom Christmas is not just a holiday, but an event of great spiritual and cultural significance, might be offended by his attempt to redirect a traditional symbol of Christmas into a strictly secular realm.
“Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”?
The practice of stripping our holiday celebrations of any connection with Christmas is becoming more and more ingrained in our society. As John Gibson puts it:
“Happy holidays!” Every time a supermarket checker or store clerk greets you with those words instead of “Merry Christmas,” you have met another soldier in the war against Christmas. Secularists are bent on imposing upon us a neutered, secular winter holiday that throws out every trace of Christianity from the public observance of Christmas.”
So, is there an ongoing war against Christmas? From the perspective of many who value Christmas as a celebration of the coming of Christ into the world, it certainly seems that there is.
Secularists Don’t See Any War Against Christmas
Typically, the very people some accuse of waging the war against Christmas scoff at the idea. For example, in a 2005 article on Salon.com, Michelle Goldberg insisted that there is no such war. “What there is, rather, is the burgeoning myth of a war on Christmas, assembled out of old reactionary tropes, urban legends, exaggerated anecdotes, and increasingly organized hostility to the American Civil Liberties Union.”
How can it be that people on one side of the issue see a fierce fight being waged against Christmas and all it stands for, while those on the other side are convinced that the war against Christmas is a “fake” and “phony” sham?
What’s Happening to Christmas in Our Culture?
I think the confusion we see in this debate arises because we have conflated three different things into one, and don’t carefully distinguish between them. For our purposes in this article, let’s designate the three as:
Christmas
XMAS
The Holidays
If we recognize that “Christmas” and “The Holidays” are not really trying to occupy the same space, we can be comfortable with people celebrating whichever they choose.
Christmas
What is Christmas?
Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. 11 For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”
Christmas is the celebration of the coming into the world of God’s greatest gift to mankind, His Son, Jesus. It is the proclamation of the “good tidings of great joy” that because Christ came, we have the promise of eternal life, and with it, peace and goodwill on earth. As the word itself indicates*, Christmas is from beginning to end all about Christ.
* According to dictionary.com, the word “Christmas” comes from the Old English words Cristes moesse, meaning the mass or festival of Christ.
XMAS
I think of XMAS, the abbreviation often used for Christmas, as the cultural and commercial expression of the ideals of Christmas. It is Santa Claus, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Frosty the Snowman, and presents under the tree. XMAS attempts to capture the spirit of Christmas but with only the faintest acknowledgment of the Christ of Christmas.
One of the things that has caused many people, whether Christians or not, to connect so strongly with XMAS is that it has incorporated some of the most treasured values traditionally associated with Christmas: peace, joy, love, family, unselfish giving, and hope for a better world. I believe that for most people, it is these values that come to mind when they think of “Christmas.”
XMAS adopts the values of Christmas, and shares with “The Holidays” some traditional holiday practices
Most people today celebrate XMAS far more intently than they do Christmas itself. Think about the universally popular symbols of XMAS: Santa Claus, XMAS trees, XMAS cards, XMAS presents. None of these things has any direct association with the coming of Christ. But for many people in our society, they are far more representative of the way Christmas is actually celebrated than is the Babe in a manger.
Giving gifts is a common practice of the season, but it doesn’t have any direct association with the coming of Christ.
One oft-lamented aspect of XMAS is the commercialism it embodies. All those gifts that are exchanged have to be bought and paid for, and so are advertised ad nauseam in the media. But most of us manage to not allow the commercialism to overpower the values that make the Christmas season so special.
Although we love the values XMAS has borrowed from the original Christmas, many people don’t want their XMAS celebration tied too closely to the specifically Christian teaching about the advent of Christ.
A good example of the way XMAS embodies values associated with Christmas without directly acknowledging Christ is the classic Charles Dickens story, A Christmas Carol. The saga of Ebenezer Scrooge being taught the true meaning of Christmas is considered an iconic affirmation of the Christmas spirit. Yet, the name of Christ is never mentioned.
The Holidays
“The Holidays” has become the secular term for what was traditionally known as the Christmas season. It is, in essence, a year-end/New Year celebration entirely divorced from Christmas and all that Christmas represents. While retaining some of the most beloved trappings of XMAS, such as exchanging holiday cards and presents under the holiday tree, “The Holidays” deliberately and specifically excludes any references to the Christian underpinnings of Christmas.
How to End the Christmas Wars
There need not be any war for or against Christmas if both Christians and non-Christians will allow others to engage in their preferred celebration.
Christians prefer to celebrate the true Christmas and the Christ it represents.
Secular people may prefer to celebrate “the holidays” with no reference to Christ at all.
And huge numbers of people in countries around the world, Christians and non-Christians alike, prefer to include a large element of XMAS, with Santa bringing gifts to all good children, in their year-end celebrations.
Believers Must Let Secularists Celebrate “The Holidays”
Christians should remember that Christmas is not a biblically mandated observance, and no one has a duty to celebrate it.
If non-Christians prefer having a Christ-less “holiday” season, that is their prerogative. Stores that instruct their staff to say “Happy Holidays” rather than “Merry Christmas” have simply chosen to celebrate The Holidays instead of Christmas, and they have a perfect right to do so. Christians need not take offense.
You can’t force people who don’t value what Christmas stands for to act as if they do.
That’s not to say that Christians should be timid about their own public expressions of the real meaning of Christmas.
One of the most beloved Christmas-themed television specials of all time is “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” A particular irony of that program, which first aired in 1965 and has been shown every Christmas season since, is that its creator, Charles Schulz, had to insist against strong opposition that the show include an actual reference to the birth of Christ.
Schulz wanted to have a scene in which Linus recited the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke. Network executives strongly objected, fearing that their audience would be put off by any allusion to “religion” (gasp!) in a broadcast about Christmas. But Charles Schulz would not back down, and the Luke segment has become one of the most cherished highlights of the entire show.
Secularists Must Stop Trying to Prevent Public Celebrations of Christmas
If the perception of a war against Christmas is to end, secularists must stop trying to drive the symbols of Christmas, and even of XMAS, from the public square.
Antics like admonishing people to “ensure your holiday party is not a Christmas party in disguise” or refusing to call that seasonally decorated fir a Christmas tree, are nothing less than attempts to force religious people to keep any acknowledgment of the real meaning of Christmas hidden behind the doors of the home or church.
Many champions of “diversity” fail to realize that their insistence on “The Holidays” as the only year-end celebration fit for public exposure is actually an attempt to impose their own values on everyone else. That is not what “diversity” means!
Another thing that secularists need to acknowledge is that the values we treasure in this season, love, joy, peace, and all the rest, have nothing to do with “the holidays.” They derive their power from the biblical account of Christ coming into the world as the expression of God’s love for all people. When that foundation is discarded, those values cannot stand on their own and will eventually evaporate.
That means that even those who only want to celebrate “the holidays” still need Christmas to remain a vibrant element of our shared cultural environment.
Let’s Call a Truce in the Christmas Wars!
The real cause of the “war on Christmas” is the determination of each side, the believers and the secularists, to force everyone else to celebrate the season in what that group considers the “right” way.
If we’ll just allow believers to celebrate Christmas, secularists to celebrate “The Holidays,” and everybody to include as much of XMAS as they desire, the Christmas wars will end.
I don’t consider myself to be particularly wise. But I do have great wisdom.
If that statement seems self-contradictory, it’s really not. You see, I know very well that I don’t have any extraordinary wisdom in myself. But I have access to a treasure trove of wisdom that is far beyond the “common sense” with which most people try to cope with life.
For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. (Proverbs 2:6 NIV)
There it is! The only real wisdom I have is what I’m given by the very Source of all wisdom.
What is wisdom?
Here’s my definition of godly wisdom:
Wisdom is the combination of knowledge, understanding, and skill required to get God’s desired results in my life.
In other words, it is skill for living.
It’s the ability to make the right choices and do the right thing at the right time and in the right way to achieve God-ordained goals in my life. When it comes to living a spiritually and practically productive life, the importance of having and applying godly wisdom can’t be overstated.
Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. 8 Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you. (Proverbs 4:7-8 NIV)
Wisdom is as Wisdom Does!
To be wise is not just to learn the precepts taught in God’s word – it is to apply them appropriately and consistently in your life. That’s what “Esteem her, and she will exalt you” is all about. For most of us it’s not so much lack of knowledge but the gap between knowledge and practice that so often trips us up!
I learn the precepts of wisdom as I study the Word of God.
I become wise as I put those precepts to work in my life.
It’s not enough to learn what the Scripture teaches about wisdom. I must follow through by taking definite steps to be sure I am actually applying God’s wisdom, and not just my own thoughts and feelings, as I face the issues of my daily life.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)
Over and over Scripture urges me to give heed, pay attention, keep the wisdom I am learning ever before my eyes and in my thoughts. One way to do that is to focus on one particular precept of wisdom every day and keep it repeatedly before my eyes throughout the day.
Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. (Proverbs 4:26 NKJV)
That’s it! Ponder my path. Everything I do – all my plans for the day – prayerfully think them through in light of the wisdom principles I learn as I study God’s Word. That’s exalting wisdom in my life. It’s when I consistently put into practice what the Word of God teaches me that His wisdom can promote me and bring me honor.
Am I Really a Wise Person?
I’m not sure I’d want to put that proposition to a vote among people who know me!
The only degree of wisdom I will claim for myself is that I am wise enough to know that without the wisdom that comes only from God, I’m not wise at all!
In fact, to neglect the wisdom that springs from the mouth of God in Scripture, and try to find my own way through life based on my own good common sense, is to be not wise but extremely foolish.
There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. (Proverbs 14:12 NIV)
So, whatever issues I may face in life, the wise thing to do is to open the pages of God’s word, find out what He has to say about the subject, and then prayerfully put those principles into action. That’s real wisdom!
If you’re a faithful follower of Jesus Christ, God has no intention of letting you live a comfortable life.
That statement may seem surprising, even extreme, but it relates a fundamental truth of the Christian life.
To put it another way, the Bible teaches that if you are committed to serving God, you will be called out of your comfort zone. It’s unavoidable; in fact, it’s a key part of God’s plan for developing you into the person He intends for you to be.
Let’s take a look at how that works.
Jesus Called His Disciples Out of Their Comfort Zone
Matthew 14 records a striking example of how Jesus required His disciples to come way out of their comfort zones.
Immediately Jesus made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side, while He sent the multitudes away. … 24 But the boat was now in the middle of the sea, tossed by the waves, for the wind was contrary.
(Matthew 14:22, 24 NKJV)
Jesus “made” His disciples get into the boat — in the original Greek it says He “compelled” them to go.
This was not something the disciples would have chosen to do on their own.
Several of them were professional fishermen, and they could read the weather signs quite well. They knew a storm was coming, and when the big winds started blowing, the last place they wanted to be was out on the sea in a little boat!
The disciples would have much preferred to stay on land where they’d be safe and comfortable during the storm.
Going out on the sea in that weather was way out of their comfort zone.
But Jesus compelled them to go. In other words, He deliberately took His disciples out of their zone of comfort regarding the weather, and put them into a very uncomfortable situation.
Jesus Calls His Disciples Today out of Our Comfort Zones
What Christ did then with His original disciples, He still does with us today. We, like them, would much rather stay in situations where we feel safe and comfortable. But Jesus doesn’t work that way. Just as He purposefully put Peter and John and the other disciples in challenging circumstances that were beyond their ability to cope, He does the same with us today.
Jesus often puts His disciples in situations that are beyond their ability to cope.
Why? So that when we do cope, God gets the glory! That’s something the apostle Paul understood quite well:
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV)
I remember when I, as an associate pastor in my church, was assigned to teach a children’s Sunday School class. Now, I love teaching the Bible to adults — that’s my comfort zone. But kids? They terrify me! I would never have chosen to teach that class on my own. But the experience of having to depend on God in a situation where I felt totally inadequate was a crucial part of my spiritual growth.
What would put you outside your comfort zone?
Praying in public?
Going up to a stranger in church and starting a conversation to make them feel welcome?
Letting people on your job know that Jesus is the Lord of your life?
Standing up for biblical standards of morality when people around you see such views as bigoted and even evil?
Stepping out on faith to go after that new job, or to start a business?
Working with toddlers in the nursery, or with teenagers, when you think you don’t know how?
Whatever it is, God will sometimes deliberately call you out of your comfort zone. Expect it! And when it happens, you need to be willing, like Peter, John, and the rest of the original disciples, to get in the boat and go wherever Christ calls you to go. Sure, that can be really scary sometimes. But that’s the point — Jesus wants us to learn to trust Him to help us be overcomers, whatever the situation.
Now in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went to them, walking on the sea. 26 And when the disciples saw Him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, “It is a ghost!” And they cried out for fear. 27 But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid.” (Matthew 14:25–27 NKJV)
The disciples weren’t just scared — they were terrified! But when they focused on Jesus rather than on their scary circumstances, He showed them that whatever the situation, He was in control.
Then He went up into the boat to them, and the wind ceased. And they were greatly amazed in themselves beyond measure, and marveled. (Mark 6:51 NKJV)
So, when God calls you out of your comfort zone, don’t let fear keep you on the shore when you know He is asking you to get into the boat. Remember:
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV)
